This year I also arrived the afternoon of the no-talent show – and since my performance was about the birth of the faeries, I needed a new, young, “virgin” faerie to perform with me. Fauny recommended I ask Jonny because he is so lovely, and lovely he was! When I asked him if he would like to be part of my performance, he responded so positively. An hour later, he told a lot of faeries that he hated himself, something I had never heard that from anyone before. I could not believe what I was hearing, but knew that I wanted to help him, especially through our performance. All of the faeries in the audience and I tried to give him all the love he could not give to himself. On the stage I gave him a long, intense kiss representing all the love we could give to him, and I have never seen more beauty and brightness in someone’s eyes. I told him there was no reason why he should not love himself and I could see that he was trying to hold back his tears because deep inside himself he wanted to believe that this could be true. His tears showed me that he had hope. When he promised to come to the Austria faerie gathering in August 2013, I was so happy that we all could see him again and could continue the healing process until he no longer needs our help, even if it takes the rest of his life. I could see in his eyes that he, like Mata Hari, will need faerie healing from time to time – as long as he lives.

I know none of us is perfect and the world is not perfect and the faeries are not perfect, but if you tell the faeries what you need, what makes you angry, they will try to help you. The key is to openly express what is inside you. Be free and don’t build walls around yourself. We are not “bad” faeries! We all have our faults and injuries and wounds, even those who seem not to. If you look beneath the surface of every faerie, you can see that we have all suffered. WE ALL ARE WOUNDED HEALERS. Some are looking for a partner, some are looking for acceptance, some believe they do not have the same rights as other faeries or as their fellow human beings. No matter what you believe, give us the CHANCE TO LISTEN TO YOU so that our heart can understand you. Then you’ll see what happens, see how the energy flows toward you. Enjoy the energy. Sometimes we forget where our hearts are, but let it find its place again. If you have trouble connecting deeply with the faeries, getting beneath the surface, go to Mother Nature – she will always help you. It’s OK if you don’t feel a deep contact to every faerie. That’s life. Don’t put yourself under too much pressure in faeriespace! Let it flow and it will come – sometime.

For me personally, the gathering was a paradise and hell at the same time. It started and ended as a paradise, but in between I suffered a lot. I saw more beauty and brightness in the eyes of some faeries than I have ever seen, but I suffered hearing hurt faeries shouting during heart-circles. At one point in the no-talent show I couldn’t breathe because I was wrapped into 15 meters of golden and purple fabric. I felt like I was trapped in a melting sauna and wanted nothing more than to unveil myself on stage.

I recognized this feeling from hours of suffering and hellish heat in the sweat lodge –paradise and hell at the same time. I survived in the sweat lodge by digging my face deeply into mother earth, no matter what other people said and no matter what animals were in the soil. The intense heat made my real suffering in life much more intense. It led me to discover that I also should shed the negative feelings, thoughts, criticism and humiliation, the manipulation civilization hurls at me. But I also had beautiful moments imagining strolling through my first faerie-sanctuary Wolf Creek in the dark, seeing the glowing signs in the stones and feeling the eternal wish to never have to leave this eternally magical lodge.

In the evening after the fun ballet workshop with Ballet Boy, where I jumped a lot, I decided to jump over the fire. Then it happened: I did not see where I was landing in the darkness and I felt a terrible pain in my left foot. Hours later I discovered that it was terribly swollen and bruised and I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t bear to tell anyone that “Mata Hari” was not able to dance anymore during this gathering. The world suddenly seemed so unreal to me. Was this the end of everything? Where was my faerie energy? When I woke up in the morning, my feelings were gone. I had to get out, to save myself. This beautiful, healing faerie energy flowed from one faerie to another. They wanted to carry me to the lake so I could take part in the Kobi ritual to save the lives, the spirits and the culture of this threatened natural primitive tribe. In their culture, the men sleep with the men and the women sleep with the women, and the Spanish conquerors tried to kill them because they thought they all were gay.

Finally it was even better for me that the faeries did not summon up the energy to carry me up to the mountain, giving me a day to total relaxation, which I needed so much after the stress I had at home and at work, in addition to bringing the faerie movement to Austria this year for the first time, organizing the first faerie gathering and party in Austria and finding a new faerie sanctuary in Austria specially for the faeries in Austria and Eastern Europe – a vision I had after visiting this marvellous elswood – a faerieland near the border to Slowakia – owned by an Austrian faerie named EL, whom I met at Vienna Pride.

I loved how much fun the faeries had at this “folle” terre trying to heal me in their special way. It was so marvellous to feel this healing energy! At the closing ceremony, I was actually able to dance with a stick! I did not give up and I witnessed how some faeries who had some really angry moments during the gathering had become more gentle when they discovered that they were not alone with their pain here. Every faerie has his special problems and fears. None of us has a perfect life. We all want to be heard and loved. No faeries are better or worse than others, We all have our own experiences in faerieland and we learn from our experiences – not only from listening.

We all share a common desire – we all want to come back to this faerieland! – our sanctuaries! – whether it is Folleterre or somewhere else. Our sanctuaries are like our home and we want to care for them as long as we are living our own faerie identity. This is our true soul and being!

So hell is followed by paradise, and before I left this paradise sanctuary, I felt the God of the medieval spirits kissing and hugging and covering me for an hour in my room. We are a natural tribe, and the divine voice in our hearts comes alive when we let go of our thoughts and just let things happen! – let your heart flow!

Dear friends, queer friends of Folleterre! – The circle is open – but not broken!

We faeries strengthen and empower each other. The tears I shed because of the angry and unhappy faeries were healing tears for these faeries and the tears I shed for myself have made me stronger in my heart and for my life. I couldn’t help but smile when I looked into the faces of my faeries friends. My heart has found a way to express itself – Folleterre – that is it! Why is it so important to me? … Because of you and you and … you, Mother Earth!

Thank you, Folleterre – you crazy Goddess of love! HAPPY TEARS! Happy about all Jonny’s tears! Fearieday … all my trouble seem so far away …

XXX Mata Hari Here are the lyrics from the song from my performance of “the birth of the faeries”

FAERIEDAY

Faerieday, all my troubles seem so far away

All my friends are here with me to stay

Oh, I believe in Faerieday

Suddenly I’m more the man I want to be

There’s an angel flying over me

Oh, Faerieland so lovely

Why I have to go I don’t know, I am here to stay

I say I need you

Now I long for Faerieday

Faerieday love is such an easy game to play

Now I have a space to be my way

Oh, I believe in Faerieday

Why we have to go I don’t know, we ‚re here to stay

I say I need you

Now I long for Faerieday

Faerieday love is such an easy game to play

Now I have a place to be my way

Oh, I believe in Faerieday

hmhmhmhmhmhmhmm

(Music: Beatles, Lyrics: Mata Hari)